A Christmas Carol: FF8 Style!
by ChocoChick87
Summary: A parody based on Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol", starring Squall as Scrooge! When Squall refuses to get into the Christmas spirit, what tricks will his friends play to help?
1. Squall the Scrooge

**A Christmas Carol, A Parody: FF8 Style!**

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own FF8 and Charles Dickens is probably rolling in his grave as I type this. But oh well, as long as it gets a few chuckles...And maybe you will understand the book better, if you read along (some of the quotes are directly from the book!) Btw, all of this takes place after Ultimecia's defeat, when Squall's friends play a Christmas joke on him, so it does contain a few spoilers.

**Chapter 1: Squall the Scrooge**

It was Christmas Eve, and at the moment, the Commander of Balamb Garden was busy in his office, going though finances. He wore his usuall sullen look, but today it was deeper than normal. Rinoa had insisted on holding a Christmas Bazarr in order to let all the Balamb students buy gifts for the holidays, and it had, in fact, been bizzare. People hustling all over the place, bumping into each other, falling into the fountain...chaos! Squall hated chaos. It was just his luck that Chritmas bred chaos.

It was just then that his father, Laguna stopped by. "Merry Christmas!" he cried, a Santa hat askew atop his head. Squall barely paused long enough to look up from his paperwork. "Whatever..."

"Aw, come on son! You don't really mean that, do you?" asked Laguna, grinning cheerfully from the doorway. Squall's unofficial secretary, Martha, giggled. Martha came from one of the poorer families in Balamb, and was helping out Squall in order to earn extra gil for her (and her brother's) tuition.

Squall had been working all day and Laguna made his patience finally snap. "Yes, I do! What right do you have to be so 'merry'? We all have problems, you know!"

Laguna returned " What right do you have to be so grumpy? You are Commander, after all!"

Squall, having no answer for this, merely snapped, "Whatever!"

Laguna sighed. "Please don't be so cross, son,"

Squall let loose with a vengance. "What else can I be, when I'm surrounded by idiots! 'Merry Christmas' this! 'Merry Christmas' that! Screw Christmas!! All it is is an excuse to spend gil!!!"

Laguna wasn't about to back down. "Squall!" he scolded sternly

"Laguna," sighed Squall, "keep Christmas your own way, and let me keep it in mine."

Laguna sighed in exasperation, "But you don't keep it!"

It was Squall's turn to sigh. "Just leave me alone! And take your 'Christmas' with you!"

Lauguna turned to leave, but paused at the doorway. "Squall, you may think Christmas is just a time to waste gil, but I've seen it change people. It opens up thier hearts; helps them think of others. So, even though it has never put a single gil in my pocket, I'll still say 'Merry Christmas!'"

There was a sound of clapping from Martha's desk. She grinned at Laguna, who smiled back and gave her a "Merry Christmas!" as well. Squall glared at her. "If I hear another sound from you, you'll keep Christmas by losing your job!" Then turning to Laguna, he said sourly, "You make great speeches, father. Maybe that's why you're in the government."

Lauguna sighed, defeated, and made one last plea. "At least come to the Christmas dinner, Squall."

"Goodbye," said Squall, without looking up from his desk.

"Merry Christmas!" Laguna offered. Martha giggled.

"Goodbye!" growled Squall

"And a Happy New Year!"

"I said GOODBYE!" Squall threw a particualraly large and heavy paperweight at the door as it closed. It hit with a thud. There was silence for a few minutes as Squall stared into space, then the indomitable Martha began to hum "Jingle Bells." Squall shook his head in annoyance. "Great," thought

Squall, "Another person, making less than 500 gil a week, singing about Christmas." He bent his head to get back to work, but as soon as his pen touched paper, a bubbling Selphie burst in.

"Hi'ya, Squall!" she chirped.

"What do you want?" Squall groaned, annoyed.

"Oh! That..." Selphie unfolded a piece of paper which had been tucked in her overalls. She cleared her throat and began reading from it. Squall couldn't help but notice the "United Galbadian Charities" watermark on the back.

"'At this festive season of the year, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitiute which suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in need of common necessities; hundreds of thousands are in need of common comforts.'"

"So what?" replied Squall.

"So, aren't you gonna donate?"

"Don't they have prisions?"

"Duh, Squall, we escaped from one, remember?"

"What about the workhouses? The soup kitchens?"

"At full capacity. OVER full capacity, in fact," Selphie checked the paper.

"Good," he muttered "Glad to hear it,"

"Squall, these people need help! Get into the Christmas spirit, for Hyne's sake!" Selphie stamped her foot. "How much are you donating?!"

"Nothing," Squall said flatly.

"Do you wanna be anonymous..?" Selphie offered.

"I want to be left alone!" Squall yelled.

"Fine then," Selphie pouted. "Be that way. Leave those poor homeless people out in the cold!" She whirled around and slammed the door behind her.

Squall thought he could work in peace, untill a squeaky voice, obviously beloning to one of the junior classmen, began singing:

"God rest ye merry gentleman!

May nothing you dismay!"

Squall was at his wit's end. Glowering, he threw open the door with enough force to knock out a T-Rexaur and glared down at the thirteen-year-old in front of him. The poor boy gave Squall one look of utter terror and fled down the hallway, punching frantically at the buttons of the elevator.

Martha suddenly appeared at Squall's elbow. "Isn't it time to quit?" she inquired.

"Yeah..." Squall stared vacantly down the hallyway where the junior classman had run. "I suppose you'll want the day off tomorrow?"

"Squall, tomorrow's Christmas," Martha said, as though this explained everything. She smiled faintly. "Besides, it's only once a year." They walked to the elevator, and with the junior classmen safely downstairs, stepped inside. Martha shuffled her feet nervously.

"What is it?" asked Squall

"Was all that really necessary?"

"All what?"

Martha shook her head. "A Commander should be more in controll of his temper"

Squall said nothing, as the elevator had reached its' destination. Stepping out, he hurried to his quarters, more than ready for a nights sleep.

So how was it? Should I continue it? And if so, who should play the parts of the "ghosts"? If you've read the book, should I stick to the text more closely or cut loose? Feedback people, feedback! That's how you get these stories to your liking!


	2. The Great Plan

**Disclaimer: **As before, I do not own FF8 or A Christmas Carol. The only thing I own is the combination of the two.

**Chapter 2: The Great Plan or Sefier's Ghost**

Meanwhile, Squalls friends were huddled around a table in the cafeteria, sipping (or in Zell's case, chugging) hot cocoa and discussing the problem at hand; namely Squall.

"He's been grumpy and sarcastic all December," observed Martha.

"He refused to donate to the charity! What a skinflint!" pouted Selfie.

"He even threw a paperweight at me today!" complained Laguna. "All I wanted to do was dicuss the new Esthar Holographic Corporation!"

Quistis had sat silently up to this point, staring into her cocoa mug as though she dould divine the answers from it. Suddenly she looked up at Laguna, almost piercing him with her Lazer Eyes skill. "Did you just say Esthar Holographic Incorporated?" she inquired.

"Well, yes, I just wanted his appoval to test the new technology out...." Laguna trailed off. "Imagine, asking permission from my own son!"

The others hadn't heard this statement, however, due to the fact that Quistits had banged her fist on the table (ratting everyones' cocoa mug) , yelling, "THAT'S IT!"

Laguna wsa the first to recover from the stunned silence. "What's it?"

Quistis was wearing a sly grin now. "You _can_ test it out, right here in the Garden! And with Squalls participatioin, too. Although it might not be voluntary...."

"I like the sound of that!" A tall, blonde man wearing a tattered white trench coat strutted in, accompanied, as usual, by his 'possee.' "Can we be of any help?"

"Sure!" Quistis replied, "especially since he doesn't even know you're here!"

Sefier raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Rinoa explained," We never actually told him you survived the whole time compression thing...We wanted it to be a Christmas surprise for him."

"Oooooh!" Sefier said significantly. "So, what's the plan?"

The group worked things out in a whispered conference over their cocoa (earning a few odd looks from passerby) and then headed to the Tech room to put things into action.

_In the Tech room..._

"Okay," said Laguna. "The computer is going to need scans of all of you if this is going to work. Rinoa, you go first." Rinoa stepped into the range of the multiple lazer setup, and watched in fascination as it ran up and down, scanning her entire body. Laguna hit the projector button and immediately Rinoa was standing next to a life-sized holographic copy of herself. "Beautiful!" Laguna said with approval. "Who's next?"

While this was going on, Quistis and Selphie worked on rigging up some of the security cameras and tape players.

"Okay, here's all the tapes of the Christmas Bazzar. Splice together the best parts- you know, the ones with all of us in it, not just random students. But make sure you get a lot of sappy stuff, too, and dont forget-"

Quistis cut Selphie off with a raised finger. "I know, I know! I'll make it fun and interesting, don't worry." She smiled and turned to Martha, who was holding a mini spy camera of her own. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Martha nodded. "I don't mind. I'll just set it up where Tim won't notice it, and then turn it on when I tell him..." she didn't finish the sentence.

Selphie smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, if the tape doesn't convince him, we'll take it out of our own pay."

Martha gasped. "You would do that? For me...and Tim?"

Selphie laughed. "Just make sure you turn the camera on!"

_Later that night..._

Squall was just settling into his favorite armchair when a knock came at the door. He groaned, but got up to answer it anyway, and tried not to slam the door as he opened it. It was Rinoa, carrying a tray with two steaming mugs of cocoa.

"Hi Squall! I brought you comething to drink."

Squall sighed. It was always good to see Rinoa. "Come in."

"I thought you could use something relaxing after a hard day in the office," Rinoa smiled warmly. They sat across the table from each other in companionable silence, and if Squall noticed that his cocoa tasted a little funny, he didn't show it. He was just getting so incredibly drowsy...

"Squall..." Rinoa's voice seemed to come from far away. "I think you should get some rest now..."

Squall nodded and stumbled to his bed, where he flopped down, fully clothed, and began to snore.

Rinoa giggled as she set the holo projector in a convenient corner. She was still laughing when she closed Squall's door behind her. "I didn't think he would fall asleep that fast!"


	3. Sefier's Ghost

**Thank Yous: **(anyone who reviews will be acknowledged here, so keep the feedback coming!)

_Yunie-star-Tidus-cutie:_ Don't worry, I realized early on that I would have to break away from the text or everything would get messed up. I'll update ASAP!

_The North Wind Brat:_ The disciplinary comittee plays a large part in this chapter, so you won't be dissappionted!

_AngelsRCryin:_ Headmaster Cid and Eda are in on this, too. Sorry about Laguna being OOC, his part originally belonged to Scrooge's nephew. I'll try to keep him in line from now on...although he did tend to come across as a little silly (at least to me) during the game.

_Kaiser-kun:_ I fear Kaizer's wrath! Thanks for all your suggestions, especiallly Ellone, I had forgotten about her (don't ask how) Her abilities will come in handy here.

_Final Fantasy Dude 113597:_ And on your left, your name! Just as you requested. Hope I typed it right.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothin'. Nada. Zilch. Zip.

**Chapter Three: Sefier's Ghost**

_In the tech room..._

"Are you sure this'll work?" Sefier asked. He was connected to the computer via a network of electrodes, planted all over his body. He scratched irritably at one on his face, the things itched like crazy!

"Don't scratch!" warned Laguna. "We need them to pick up on your facial movements, too." He typed in a series of commands. "Now, the hologram should copy your movements, too. Let's test it out."

Sefier waved a hand. The holo waved a hand. Sefier kicked a leg. The holo did, too. Finally, Sefier put on his best 'Evil Grin.' He was so stunned by the results that he stumbled back a few steps, along with his hologram, causing everyone to laugh.

"Great!" Laguna laughed. "Now, I'll just make it transparent..." He hit a few keys and the holo became see-through. Finally, Laguna added chains. Lots of chains.

"SPOOKY," commented Fujin.

"Now, all you gotta do is act spooky, ya know," added Raijin. "Squall'll be scared out of his mind, ya know!"

"START NOW?" asked Fujin.

"Yes," Laguna grinned mischeviously, pressing the power button. The projector in Squall's quarters turned on.

_Meanwhile..._

Squall finally woke up, struggling to keep his eyelids open. Still feeling groggy, he reached to open the door to his room. But something was wrong with the doorknob...was that Sefier's face? For one frozen moment, the two stared at each other, then Squall jerked back his hand. But the apparation was gone. "Whatever..." declared Squall. He was just tired, that was all.

Still, he did get up and check everything...nothing under his bed, nobody under the sofa, nothing under the table...every room was just as usual. Squall finally finished his inspecction (luckily missing the projector in his search) and sat down in the armchair. Nothing could get past the security cameras, anyway...the very security cameras that his friends were watching his every action through (and laughing so hard thier sides hurt).

Sefier chose this moment to walk right through Squall's front door, and stand, smirking, in front of him. "I- I don't believie it! Sefier's ghost?!" Squall exclaimed, leaping to his feet. "What do you wan't from me?"

"A lot," smirked Sefier. "A _whole_ lot." He was enjoying this to no end.

Suddenly, Squall had an idea. "Can you sit down?" He'd see if this ghost was real or not.

In the tech room, Laguna hurredly shoved a stool at Sefier, who confidently sat down on it.

To Squall's eyes it looked as though Sefier had sat down in the armchair right across from him. "You don't believe in me, do you?" Sefier observed.

"No." Squall's face had found it's way back to it's usual state of expressionlessness. " It's probably just something I ate," he continued, trying to convince himself more than the ghost.

"You think so, huh?" said Sefier. Suddenly he jumped up, screaming, and Squall noticed for the first time the long web of chains that was started at Sefier's belt and was rattling as though it had a life of it's own. He began groping at his own belt for his gunbalde, which was, of course, not there.

"Now do you believe in me?!" yelled Sefier, really getting into it.

"Yes!" Squall yelled back. "But why have you come to me?"

"I have a message for you...." Sefier replied mysteriously. "Hell really exisits, you know. I've been there."

Squall's face turned white. "The...the chain?" he croaked out.

Sefier shook his head "It wasn't made there. I made it while I was alive." He leaned closer to Squall's face. "Bit by bit." Closer. "Link by link." Even closer. "Would you like to know how long yours is?"

Squall involuntarily glanced at the floor, as though expecting to see chains piled around him. There were none.

"Of course, you can't see it," Sefier continued. "You wouldn't want to, anyway." He laughed bitterly.

Squall snapped out of his stupor. "Get to the point," He said in an icy voice.

"You will be visited by three spirits," said Sefier. "One for past, present, and future." He held up a finger for each one. "I just hope you have better luck than I did!" Then, laughing maniacaly, Sefier rattled the chains one more time and swooped out of the room.

Squall sat trembling in his armchair. "Whatever..." he mumbled to himself, but it didn't have much heart to it. Then, as Rinoa's cycling narcotic kicked in, fell into a restless sleep once more.

_In the Tech Room_

"Did you have to be so mean to him?!" Rinoa snapped at Sefier as Fujin and Raijin helped him rip off the electrodes.

"Revenge," Sefier grinned, "is so sweet. And so is this technology! When is this stuff coming out on the market, Laguna?"

"Soon..."Laguna mumbled, typing furiously at the computer. Suddenly, Rinoa started to giggle like crazy.

"What is it?!" demanded Sefier as Rinoa continued to laugh.

"LOOK," said Fujin, handing him a mirror. Sefier gasped, looking at all the little red dots on his face that the electrodes had left.


End file.
